Terms of Losing....

It took me more than 4 months to get back to this space. This sabbatical was the difficult of all as it was meant to heal an irreplaceable loss, as they say...time and tears washes away everything...but some stains stay there forever!!!

I was skimming through the books for my exam scheduled in the afternoon on 1st march, 2011. Still in the hangover of getting into another year of my relationship and struggling through those illogical chapters, I tried settling myself in the hostel’s mess for the lunch and my phone rang flashing my mother’s number. I thought it odd of her to call at this time as I never pick up during my college hours. I picked up her call with a cheery “Hi!”

I heard my younger sister on the other line sobbing, as if our world was torn apart and she was gathering courage and composure to share those broken parts with me. A litany of thousands possibilities ran through my mind. But nothing could have prepared me for the words she finally spoke. My brother Monty was killed in a motorbike wreck the last night. I wanted to smash away the phone to wake up to a bad nightmare but certainly it was nothing but reality. The eldest of us in our maternal family, Monty got married a week earlier. Just two days back me and my cousin had wrapped up the wedding extravaganza and left for our colleges, wishing the newlyweds all the happiness. Who knew we would be called this sooner.
The days that followed were a haze of unreality. We all stayed together at that time and clung to each other for support. I remember watching my mother crying in a corner away from her sister’s eyes. She told us once that it’s hard to decide what hurt worse; the loss of Monty or watching her sister act bravely when we all knew that her world was shattered.

It’s been 4 months since Monty left us and changed our lives forever. We have all tried our parts coming to terms with the loss but are still trying to learn...how to live incomplete lives???

Are We Developed Chameleons?

After a long period of time I had a chance to experience rains. Though February is not generally considered to be fit for the water spell, but due to the revival of my spirits I will leave these worries in the heads of the meteorologists only. I stood in my balcony and looked outside for a long while. The more I was there the more I felt happy and confident about myself. It said that that your liking reflects your mood and we human beings are known to pick up objects to show their inner sanctum. And we have been doing it in quite a lot of ways. From seasons to regions, from shades to days, from skies to flies we have not left any commodity untouched with the emotions and have used them for ones naked camouflaged display. The human being is a social animal and defies any form identity discomfort. It always (I used ‘it’ to emphasise on animal) seeks solace in merging itself with the outer ambience like a chameleon.

   There are days too when this chameleon loses its virtual skin and gather the courage to look beyond the comfort. That is the time when it doesn’t feel as a part of this creation. It appears to be more as an object placed without any notion of rhythm balance or coherence along the symmetry and monotony of the world. Its senses falls short to experience the pain and the pleasure, the emotions are dwarfed with the raging tornado inside the mind, the words it requires to speak seem to get vanished from the dictionary of the language it thought of knowing, and all the ties binding it become a part of a large net choking it down to death. But it is afraid to die and comes back to being the chameleon again!

Has it ever happened to you? If yes, share it with me.......