Broken Dreams........

I was skimming through the pages of the new edition of India Today yesterday as I had nothing in my bookshelf which could have comforted me after the erratic schedule of the day which kept me on my toes( I ll tell the story some other day). The issue was concentrating on all the major events which affected our country and its people in past 30 years. I am not fond of reading magazines; I only buy them to feel envious enough of the svelte and slim models. I carry this notion that this activity may trigger my will to shed that extra flab which is currently giving me nightmares.




Suddenly I found my eyes glued to the page featuring the happenings of the year 1994. A wave of nostalgia pushed me back into the past lanes where I was just a nymph coming out of the cocoon to fall into the lines of a caterpillar. Colourful and vibrant wings were out of sight and unimaginable. The page featured glimpses of Aishwarya Rai and Sushmita Sen flashing those rehearsed smiles with gleaming diamonds on their heads. It stirred the pieces of bitter sweet memories lying in some remote corner of my heart.

I can never forget that day when I first fought the rage inside me. I was about 3 at that time, rowdy cranky and naughty. My mother still cribs about the sleepless night I used to give her. It was a sunny bright morning I woke up to. I hated to get up in the morning (I still do). I was still grappling with partially open eyes when the newspaper lying over the petite corner beside my cosy bed caught my attention. The front page was carrying the news of Sushmita Sen wining the miss universe title, becoming the first Indian woman to carve that niche. I couldn’t read at that time; no 3 year old can do so. But I instantly got attracted to those pictures like a magnet to an iron bar. Later that day I quietly sneaked into my mother’s bedroom and spent hours scrutinising every inch of my face in front of the mirror. I even wore my mothers mauve stilettos to walk like those poised and beautiful girls do on TV. Somewhere inside the seed of the dream of holding that crown with hands on mouth awe pose was sown inside me.



Today I when I look back I have to admit that the seed sown could not grow into a tree because of the genetic seeds I m carrying (you ll understand only if u have studied biology). I am currently all content with the pace and directions of my life. But shards of a broken dream sometimes make me go all shrivelled up inside like a nut. Yesterday when I told my mother about my long lost dream, she said,” there are few things which appeal to us only from a distance. Nothing can be compared to the moon and the milky twilight it illuminates but if you try to go near it, all the beauty and the charm seem like false fables. It sounded good to my ears but couldn’t reach out to my heart which still refuses to junk off those pieces.

The Year That Was...........(i m short of words now)!!!!

Hey friends (I have lost the privilege of calling out ‘readers’ by the virtue of being highly irregular in updating my blog) I am back from my hibernating mode. I owe everyone an apology but since it is my rearmost entry for the year 2009, I am in no mood to start it on an apologetic note.

Last night I was busy briefing my diary with the anecdotes of the passing by year. Here are some excerpts…..

1. Big Blow Tagged RESPONSIBILITY

I encountered responsibility, fought with it and finally defeated it. It was as easy as selling ice cubes in Antarctica to set up a new world minus the comforts of dad’s arms and mom’s lap in place of hard core bureaucrats not because doing so involved some rocket science but my résistance towards change. At the end of the day I am all content and happy with my new found companion tagged responsibility.

2. Anything But Lonely

A hardcore extrovert is not expected to take time in befriending people, so was I. It was never a task to make friends for a chatter box like me but 2009 changed it all. Although I can still define myself in terms of a self confessed chatter box but I will surely have to give in to the skeptics of a loner too. Before being in hostel I could never make clear cut distinctions between ‘lonely’ and ‘alone’ let alone experience the difference.

But now I know it all, tried it all and of course love it all.

3. On a Losing Spree

If u boast of your success than be proud of your failures too, because if there is no failure one can never find success. As stated above, it won’t be can exaggeration if I say I was on a losing spree. From anything to everything I didn’t won a single competition. But at the end of the day I have no qualms. Not because I didn’t deserve wining (I always do) but it taught lessons which I could have never gained otherwise.( sometimes u do need such over the top quotes to sympathize with oneself)

So guys within few hours we all will step into 2010 and it is always baffling to see people turning into party animals, getting all drenched in alcohol and thundering their footsteps for no reasons. I know its good to celebrate the homecoming of a new year but better ways of doing so also exist.

P.S. HAPPY NEW YEAR